i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
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