I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Every concussion has its silver lining
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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