Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
