All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize