Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
