Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
