I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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