A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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