Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
