Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
