my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
