do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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