Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
