I just pynch a tree in the face
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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