Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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