its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
