I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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