we made out on top of his cat.
Acid is not a monday night drug
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
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