He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
