I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
