know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
