I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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