The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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