Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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