Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
