Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
