its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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