I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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