I think I died a long time ago.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
