Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize