shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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