Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize