The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
