I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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