This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
