i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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