You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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