I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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