I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
