the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
