is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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