I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize