And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
