I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up under a house in Key West
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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