Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
