you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
