I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
