He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
