I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I deserve this hangover.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
