I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
