You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
