coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
