Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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