If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
