While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
