she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
