absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
