At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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