its not stalking. its research.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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