i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
