Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
