I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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