I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
