Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
