eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
