I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
